Well ...I'll start off by saying HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all my friends south of the border! Hope you're all nice & full by now! :) LOL!...

Today was a kinda interesting day.. went to the Gym with the idea to talk to the owner /trainer there about splitting up my upper body routine.. well he's ALL gung ho on me getting into the serious training-!!! LOL!- Thinks if I decided to apply myself I have the right genetics in his mind that I could go compete . Now on a Good day that's awesome incentive to work hard. Yay team...:)

But what is it about the stupid little voice of self doubt in my head that tells me that I don't have what it takes.. That I just don't have the capability for self discipline that is needed to do anything like that??....
-I dunno some days I have all the fire & incentive in the world.. & then something throws me off track & it seems SOOOO hard not to just be "like everyone else" ... well the average people.. you know co- workers & friends who still to this day don't "get" why I keep going back to the BFL program ! It's so flippin hard sometimes to do this alone. Don't get me wrong.. I'm not sitting here feeling sorry for myself -- just thinking- self analyzing if you will!

Mostly..I'm wondering about Bill Phillips & his "crossing the ABYSS"... I every time I get right into the program..I think I've crossed it -- I know what I should be doing.. I "get" how this works.. how the work outs & cardio & eating go together to produce results..
Flip !!-- After doing this off & on for 5 yrs & being subjected to body building info galore for 5 yrs before that ..I have ALL sorts of great information in this wee brain of mine!!!
-- want to know a good exercise for any given body part?? ..Hey just ask!
-- Wanna know about protein & carbs...I'm your girl!!!
-- creatine.. Supplements.. you name it..it's in here somewhere!

Now here's the kicker... WHY can't I stick with this the way I know I really need to , to achieve the stellar results that I know are possible..
Have I never really crossed this "Abyss?? "... have I been fooling myself??

Am I a wimp, a chicken or do I just need someone to hold my hand ..& drag me away when I'd rather eat crap! `LOL..

Again.. I dunno..

On that note I'd better get back to work -- that I DO KNOW ... ;)

take care All...

You Are a Martini

There's no other way to say it: you're a total lush. You hold your liquor well, and you hold a lot of it!

What Mixed Drink Are You?

New day.... more silly fun tests people!
LOL :) ---let me know what YOU are!

Well it only took me a week but here's the pic I took the other day when I was raving about it being soooo GORGEOUS out here! this is looking off the balcony outside my bedroom. you can see that we've got some snow up on the mountains- YAY skiing time soon!
Today was another beautiful day & tomorrow is putting up X-mas lights ....poor Jamie! LOL ;)
I'm only mostly impossible about how I want things to look...& tonight we watched "Christmas with the Kranks".. a mildly funny movie.. but in it the houses are amazingly decorated! ...hmmmm yea.... he just looked down at me cuddled up in his arm & said... Uh uh ... no way! LOL!...;)

It's Friday night & I just got.....hey did you know that there is NO music note sign on this thing.. hmmm wanted to put some of them around so you could hear the song in my head...lol --ya, right! ok just imagine them then ok??
Soooo, I'm stuck here at work Blaaaa boring! & now I've spent my whole dinner break trying to read up on what I've missed with going out Christmas shopping all day before work the past 2 days.. & popping in on the Tracker - just to see what's going on there.. a rousing round of NOT bloody much as Tracey pointed out in a thread...made me feel a bit guilty .. which I will write back to -- later! lol!
Ok first I gotta say it's NEVER boring reading what is going on in everyone's world... sometimes it's the most humbling experience to see others who are really struggling with things.. really makes you appreciate the lack of traumatic things going on in my world right now!.. comparitively-- things are almost mundane!-- I mean hey- my hair has grown back in where it fell out in chunks last yr... lol...
I guess I should just be thankful ---& mostly I am.

except for my damn stupid foot !!...which is giving me greif again.. WTH?? I mean I injured the stupid thing back in MAY & it still is being well.... a PAIN! I thought that I could just jump on the treadmill & do a quick HIIT this morning before I did all my errrands-- well it was less than useful ! definitely not a 10 to be seen this morning! grrrrrrrrrr barely got through the 20 mins I made myself stay on there. So I don't know what I'm gonna do about this..... guess I'm stuck going to the gym to do the eliptical .. but that really isn't useful when time is short! Stupid , stupid, stupid foot!
ok enough whining for now.. I have to get up & get back to work.

I'll start this by saying I had a fantastic LBWO this morning & felt all fit & wonderful! :)

Then I'm gonna get all weird & say stuff that might leave some thinking I'm a toon!... LOL!
Well for starters I believe that everyone is entitled to whatever system of beliefs & thoughts that they wish... & that frankly -I think without something to believe in we as humans are pretty lost... ok enough of that train of thought or I'm gonna end up speculating on the way our poor world is going.. & that's a BIG topic.. & not what I'm mainly thinking about..

Unfourtunately my brain at any given time is going in about eight different directions! ( ya I know I work at a mental institution.. but I HAVE the keys!- LOL) Maybe it has something to do with being a Gemini! I dunno! LOL..

OK back to the original thought .. last night we had a chance to have a quiet night with the kids.. unusual 'cause most nights theres LOTs of activities going on or I'm off being the nursey-mommy.. anywho.. Steven (who's 7) was saying that he was having a hard time breathing after hearing a commercial about a baby crying bec, it's mom had been hit by a drunk driver.. anyone who's seen it knows what I'm talking about it's by MADD & it's really disturbing but very effective..
So I sat down with stevie on the stairs & talked with him.. & said the usual things that "Mommy isn't going anywhere & I'm not gonna die for a long time".. he seemed ok after that but at bed time he was clingy again& saying .." I'm just worried about you Mommy..."
When I went to bed I had the same oppressive - can't breath feeling.. but for me it's not new.. just not always helpful.. it generally happens when "something" is going to happen... ( ok this is where you're free to think I'm weird.. no worries.. )
But through my life this has happened & I've learned in the past severaly yrs to finally "listen" to what "they" - the powers that be/God/Gods whatever you wanna call it .. are trying to tell me. Although I wish it was clearer.. 'cause half the time I have no idea what the heck I'm supposed to do about any of it! -- especially when I get all fribbed out & it turns out to be something on a world level... gee ya I can do anything about that!
Anywho.. the lucky part is that I'm now with someone who not only can I talk to about all this ..but who can relate.. ( the REALLY good part about finally finding the "other half of me.."!)
So Jamie & I talked about both of us feeling "strange" like something not good was underway..
but again what do you do.. try to sleep & convince yourself it's just indigestion...LOL!

This morning Steven was himself pretty much .. but sighing alot.. so I asked him how he felt .. he said it he felt like breathing was hard .. now regarless of beliefs I'm a nurse & mother first ..so I always check the basics & no- everything physical seemed fine.. but my instict alarm bells were ringing .. so I suggested that we do some Good breathing on the way to school... a bit of meditation while walking thru our forest path to school seemed like a good idea :)

Well needless to say .. he went to school, Jamie went to work & me to the Gym.. but instead of going off shopping to Lougheed Mall by myself afterwards I called Jamie & asked him to meet me for lunch cause it just seemed like a better idea to be with him if I was feeling "off"...

So lunch was great & I even dragged him into Michael's --a craft store to find garland yay!
well on the way home he called me on my cell .. & sounded funny... he said "I'm Glad you didn't go to Lougheed Mall.." I said" Uh Huh.. I enjoyed being with you too honey! " He said NO....
I mean I'm Glad you weren't there.. that we weren't there.. there was someone with a gun there.. there were shots fired...!!!

WHOA this is Canada.. these things don't happen here.. well not out side of the "BIG" city..

So maybe .. I think just maybe .. this is what we were all "feeling" .. who knows right?? .. maybe it's all coinciedence.. but me ..I dunno
I think I'll just take a momment tonight to send up a quiet "thanks" to whoever is watching over me & mine....

Take care all...
G'night

Not going to start this with well or ok.. at least that shows I have some insight inot my ideosyncracies!! lol! will start off by saying I'm having a lovely day!... it's finally NOT raining..infact it's GORGEOUS out.. gonna take some pics & put them up so everyone else can see what am amazing place that Moggie & I get to live in!! yep.. she's up here too - hmmm maybe I should suggest that we should try to get together now that I don't feel like a big BFL fraud! lol..
Just got back from the gym & did an HOUR of cardio- sort of penance for not doing a damn thing all weekend except running around from Rmemeberance Day parade ( in the POURING rain! ) Beaver sleep over, to Jamie's 20th reunion, to soccer games, & then being a "good" wife& mommy & making us all a big Sunday night dinner since it was my day off & I was actually home! Geees ok maybe I was busy.. but it sure wasn't a BFL weekend that's all I have to say 'bout that

STILL have NO idea how to do links of this thing to get to other peoples Blogs.. wish some one could show me.. cause it's retarded that I have to go thru Tracker profiles everytime I want to find out how people are doin. ok maybe I just put everyone''s blog in "favorites.' -but don't want the kids stumbling onto BEV's "fireman escapades! " ;) LMAO! -but there's GOT to be a better way! LOL!

time for a shower...
see ya!

well ( yess I know I tend to start every Blog with silly words..! ) bad habit I guess! Anywho.. it's been a busy week with work & kids activities & being a good girl & going to the Gym every day! ( yay me! ) also been reading LOTS of other peoples blogs in any spare time I have . Wow... really given me a different perspective than ever just "chatting" to them on the Tracker.. I guess we all feel the need to be mostly up beat there.. even when there's things going on in your head that have you in turmoil.
It took me by surprise lately to find that others are struggling with all sorts of issues & some of them really no different than myself. Kinda wierd--but it makes me feel better in a way .. & less "alone". Have realized that hiding out on my own isn't going to make me feel any better.. that reaching out .. even in just writing this to get my thoughts out is better than having them go round in circles in my head! & taking the time to "help" others by words & deeds is probably really the best way for me to feel better.... so that's what makes me happy - feeling usefull... & makes me appreciate all the good that is in my world.
ok this is sounding vague & introspective sooo i think it's time to call it for tonight. I'll write more tomorrow.

just me...

Hmmm .. I really should be going to bed-- but I really want to figure out how to put a pic on here.. so here goes..
ok so this works! yay!... here's part of the fun of Halloween at our house!

well hasn't this been an experience... found out what happened to my other entries.. they had gone to another exact replica blog...(?) guess I really musta goofed soemwhere in the setting up ! lol! ... oh well now I only have one soooo i'm easier to find... or something! lol!
Well it has been a VERY busy day.. got up Jamie went to his son's game.. I didn't go needless to say.. some days I wonder how the world got so.. stilted & strange.. but it did & now we just deal with it... :(
Anyhwho .. made good use of his absence to get in a UBWO.. kinda makeshift at home but hey I got creative! ( mental note I need a new ball !..that one is TOO small! aaak! lol ! ) ya I wiped out but hey I kept going!
So next was a rousing round of pulling up the whole garden weeding & raking all the damn maple leaves & whirlly gigs for 3hrs! ( I dunno what else to call them! :P ) So I got done all that just in time to have shower & ...yep you guessed it come to WORK! Blaaaaaaa right now I want a hot tub & a massage & a hot yummy drink,, & my Jamie..& to SLEEP----- ok so I go check on the pts one last time & finish charting instead! Tbbhhhhhht! don't like that ! LOL!

well this has been a Good day over all- so far ...lol! Still have to get to work & get through an 8hr shift ...* yawn* I would always rather be taking a nap about now!
So the day started off well with notes from Janel & Chrissy ( both ON the BFL game right now) & that was great encouragement to get up & at it.!! :) Somedays it's just getting out of the damn house that seems impossible.. I think there's some seriuous psychological component to that .. but we'll deal with that another day! lol! Had a quick "Chat " with Jim Stone on Messenger.. glad to know he's doing ..ok - was a bit worried that his Blog seemed to be ..missing(?)
So hit the Gym did a warm up on the cross rainer then did a LBWO felt good just to be getting thru' it :)
Then did a quick shop bef. I had to pick up kids from school.. ( Fri being a half day & all)
I was such a good girl... cottage cheese, brocoli, chicken, BIG bag of brown basmati rice & some kashi go Lean ceareal to try ...yep that's BFL shoppin' all the way! LOL!
Nuff for now gotta help darling daughter Jessica study her French...

OK lets see if this works... I have to get someone to show me how this thing works! Any offers??
I've been lurking around all sort of peoples Blogs that I used to go to the Tracker to "hear" from for inspiration... Lately I've just lurked around there too.. & I'm sad to see that the world is blowing up there-- Again!! It's hard to see when it has such amazing potential to be a fantastic support system for any one trying to learn, stick to, or(like in my case) get back to following the BFL lifestyle. I thought this fall after beign away all summer, that I could just jump back in there... not so- even then it was showing signs of ... I dunno-- self destruction.. I remember all too well feeling abolutely horrible about all the garbage that had gone on earlier this year-- before the "BIG CRASH" & BFlifers takeover -(lol).. I have more than enough drama in my own life to deal well with that sort of emotional rollercoaster!

We'll just have to see how this works out.

OK well here we go with this... I really don;tknow what I'm doing yet but as with anything else I guess I'll figure it a s I go! Sooo after a long summer & a fall that has been a blur of failed attempts to get back to the gym on a consistent basis on my own I've realised that I need that structure of the BFL program & the support of like minded friends. Not that I don't love my family .. it's just that they are all too willing to let me salck off & do a rousing round of nothing except cook & bake for them!