Ok..now this just sorta scared me...

I know I'm heading into a really bad pre-PMS phase..& at least Jamie & I can talk about all my irrational insecurities..but that doesn't make them any less hard to live through.

I'm startled this test just brought all my worst fears & doubts out into the light for me to have to look at.. or maybe I'm just seeing it that way!.. ;)

pamela took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Wants to make a favorable impression and be recogn..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

hmmm the print on this is too light .. I first thought the link didn't print..but it's there just almost invisible.... Geee what does THAT say! ~lol

NOT ready yet...

Ok I know it's the end of week 4...& there has been ups & downs & many things going on in EVERYONES world.We 've made it thru the first Third of the Challenge folks!! YAY us!!! WHOOOOOOO HOOOO!!


But ,ummmm welll ahhhhh I...ummm I Don't wanna take pics yet...I really don't!! Yes I know Janel you & Teresa seem all psyched..& I"m happy for you ..I am. but not me...

I was talking to Jim this morning..( hope you don't mind my blithering about it Jim..;) but I said to him as well that I don't wanna... I'm not just being stuborn.. I really am scared that by NOT seeing results..I'M gonna get discouraged.. & to be honest .. it this stretch of the road there isn't gonna be much to see... I've done this first part more times than I can to think about .. so I KNOW that it takes time, that really there is NOTHING to see on the outside for me. Yes my brain is fully aware that all the lovely wonderful things are goin on underneath...but it WON"T show!!


Am I just being a wimp ..or am I just not wanting to set myself up for a bad start to next week...

I dunno...

Love & hate relationship with the mirror..

What is it about mirrors?? Yesterday I was noticing as I was getting dressed that as I was putting on one of my tops that there was decidely "less" of me breast wise... which in my case is not entirely a bad thing. For me it's a sure indicator that I'm heading in the right direction..."Yay my boobs are disapearing!!!" WTF?? Ya..well we're a weird bunch & strange things make us happy eh? ;)

& even this moring at the Gym while doing pec deck I was admiring the muscles that seem to be appearing in the chest & shoulder area... one of the few parts of my body I actually like... So I'm all happy thinking YAY me I'm working hard seeing results & tra lalala .... Well THAT was short lived!
I was doing biceps with the machine pulleys & was checking my form in the mirror & it kinda went like this....

"ok arms are looking good tucked in , shoulders in line, back straight"... - hell I was almost tempted to ditch my hoodie & pretend I was Trac in my sports bra tank...just to see the muscles in my arms!

& then it all came to a crashing HALT... I got down to the side view of my BUTT & legs.....EEEEEEEEEEEEEWWW! that is NOT a pretty thing to look at !! MAN,what is with all the JUNK in my TRUNK??! I wanted to run out of there, break the mirror , crop the picture ...SOMETHING!!!

What is it about lower bodies that seem to be the bane of our existence?? I dunno.. half of me wants to cry cause the reality is soo yucky & where I want to be seems about a thousand miles away...& the other half says Damn Girl you can beat this... hard work , more cardio & less crap in your face WILL fix this... but not today..

hmmmmmm sitting on my Butt here isn't much help is it either??? LOL .. better go do something...

Nother makeshift day..

Well to start my week I have the kids at home for a Pro-d day & I work later to boot so going to the gym just isn't gonna happen! Grrrrr... I'm gonna try to go upstairs now to do some sort of work out .. hopefully without too much interuptions..

( this Moring I've just spent the last hour & a half at or near the computer working on a school project with my daughter.. )
You gotta love how when they have something THEY wanna do it is all they can think about !!! So now that that is out of the way & I don't have to listen to repeated calls of "MOM... can you look at this .. or MOM ..how does this go or MOM -- Steven is bugging me or MOM....." Be very thankful those of you that just have to deal with the possibility of Idiots at the Gym today! ~lol

Ok- off I go to try to make myself look like the Girl (?) on Tracy's Blog!!
AAAakkk NOOOOO .. but at least it's incentive to go do SOMETHING!

NOT how my day was supposed to go..

Well today is supposed to be LBWO.. I do say supposed 'cause I don't know if THAT is gonna happen.. ( mind you, I didn't say WAS so I haven't totally given up on figuring a way to get my W/O in...

What's up you say?.. Well I had a VERY over warm boy crawl into my bed this morning..Yea ,whether it's the Mommy or the Nurse I knew right away we're dealing with a fever! OH JOY... & complaining of a sore throat to boot . Now does it make me a Bad Mommy that my first thought was not "OH you poor soul" ...But DAMN this is gonna mess up my day! ....akkkk there goes my Mother or the Year Award!!

So I've managed to get darling daughter off to school .. Thank the gods Jamie was doing home office work this Am ..& now I've got on here for a sec... but only a sec.. he keeps crawling up in my lap ..Yes he's 7 but he still does that when he's not feeling well.. or really any time he just wants warmth & loves ! - he's always been that way !

So we're gonna cuddle up on the couch & read or maybe see what kids educational shows are on any more...I'm out of the loop to say the least! ~lol~

& I've made us a Mommy & Me protien shake (yes-- I give them to my kids.. they've always liked them!) --Ok so his has a bit of Hot chocolate mix in it!!
Do ya blame him for LOVING it !
So I'll have to check in with everyone's Blogs later...

Hope you're all well...
I'll be thinking of ya...from under the blankies... ;)

Do I have a sign on me?....

That says Come up & chat me up ??? Geees what is it this past week?! 3 different guys at they gym have come up asking the usual obscure "hey So how long have you been working out ?" questions...

Now I've gotta say up front-- DO NOT go the gym dressed to impress... SO WTF??
I pull my hair back in a pony ... pretty much no make up.. ( ok where's DG.. I don't ever go out without mascara -never have, LOL...) but other than that NOTHING!! I dont' wear cute little outfits ... mostly my fave pilates type pants ( cause they stretch -specially now when it's TOM! Arrg! ) & a t-shirt with a zip hoodie if its cold. Now bear in mind noneof this is pink or any other color designed to attract attention.. infact it's all black or grey .. I know boring but hey ..

So what the heck is it that is making these guys come talk to me ?? Is it the wornout work out gloves... the glaring at myself in the mirror trying to get the last few reps out ??? I have no idea!!

I'm not hating it ... just feeling a little weird about it .. one guys even started helping me take off plates to keep talking to me ! & when I metioned kids ( rather pointedly by this time! ) he said -really you have kids?? Wow you're in really good shape then! Not sure how to take that at all! I'm thinking see some of my friends.. ( this especially means some of YOU guys !! you know who you are!!! )

Any who this whole thing is bizarre when I'm feeling like I'm a big YUCK ( did I metion the cold sore that's still not healed .. ick! ) I'm no where NEAR where I want be shapewise ..& it's TOM to boot!

Things that make you go HMMMMMMM-ya this is it Baby!!

after a fun week end ..

Your Love Element Is Fire

In love, you are a true listener and totally present. For you, love is all about feeling more alive than you've ever felt. You attract others with your joy and passion. Your flirting style is defined by your strong ability to communicate. Fun and play are the cornerstones of your love life. And while your flame may burn too brightly, it's part of your appeal. You connect best with: Wood Avoid: Water You and another Fire element: will likely burn out quickly

What Element Is Your Love?

I'm so excited! ...

& I just can't hide it! ..I'm about to lose control & I think I like it ! YEaaaa.. !!

Ok.. this thing still needs to have music note icons so you know that I'm singin! :) I've gotta tell you I'm totally sleep deprived ( no -I never did get more than 5 hrs a night all week) so I'm a bit whacked .. but mostly it's because MY JAMIE is comming home !!! we leave in a bit to pick him up from the airport :) this is the longest we've ever been apart & I really can't believe I survived it!
Yes I know I'm a pathetic love sick fool ..... but as Travolta once said..Ain't it cool?! ~lol

BFL wise I've had great week .. had some kick ass workouts & great HIITS ... with a bit of extra cardio for good measure! My eating has been on track ...geeee would you believe I ate a lot of chicken for some reason???? ;)

Hmmmm I gotta say I'm a bit punch drunk I think, from lack of sleep but I'm feeling GOOOD!

So to quote ,I beleive it was..our Bev.."I'm all shaved up " & ready for a wonderful REUNION night !!!

Catch ya all after....;)

When I grown up...

this is what I wanna look like! Elaine Goodlad.. I mean she's 40 & is this drop dead Gorgeous!
I admire especially that she's not these little stick girls that you sometimes see ...I could never aspire to that. The genetics would never fit. the gods just desided to put me together with too much muscle. ( My dad never minded growing up either that I could chop wood better than most boys! ~lol)

& besides I can dream right.. I mean hey, when I leave mine wet .. our hair almost matches! ;)

Yep -I'm feeling better today thinking about dreams instead of wallowing in night mares :)

The one thing I CAN control...

FOOD... yes , food I can deal with-- OK soo this is bordering on insanity cooking 19 chicken breasts at a time! ~lol~ .....but every thing else in my world right now I can't do a damn thing about!
My sister & my nephew are still in the hospital in Alberta. She managed to get an infection in the REALLY bad tear she ended up with.. ( she & I joke about things being from "A$$hole to breakfast..." well this was.. & it's very not fun .

He(Leland ) is still in the Infant care nursery because he ended up in withdrawl from some of the meds that she is on for her Bi-polar ( yep throw all that in my worry pile too...)
My parents are apart for the first time in 37 yrs since my Mom went out to be with Cin since needless to say between work & kids I Can't!
So Dad is all weird & Mom is having to stay at Cin's on her own . FUN!

What else... hmmm lets see Jamie is gone for the week to a trainining session for work in..Minisota....... I am such a wimp I don't sleep when he's gone & I miss him so much it's stupid!-we're used to talking to each other a dozen times a day & he often comes home from work early just to see me . ( Yes we are pathetic-, I know-- )

& the kids will be gone to thier Dad's tonight because I'm working so I will be comming home to a totally empty house.... I'm NOT real good with that...

OH.. yes & did I mention I'm probably PMSing to boot!? & it's not the bitchy kind -- oh NOOO it's the way over emotional "the sky is falling" type.

I know that others have things going on in their life that are more serious... but right now all of this is just a little overwhelming..

Glad I finally got that out instead of hiding & saying nothing... thanks

After too too much wine...

I seem to have thought I was Bev!!!

Oh man! soooo glad New years is done for another whole year!

JAN 2 A BIG DAY IN MY WORLD



JAN 2 ...Its finallllly here!!! I know we've all been waiting for it for a while-- getting back on Track, & Tracker ~lol~ doing the Meltdown, or Torch Challenge or whatever may be your direction of choice, but I have to rave about some thing TOTALLY UnBFL for a sec!

I'M AN AUNTIE... a slightly sleep deprived one ~lol because the call came at about 3 something this am ...I was sooooo excited I couldn't get back to sleep...ended up going to TRACKER instead who knew?! LMAO! ;)

Then I climbed back in bed & just layed there...I started thinking about going out to see my sister( I miss her like CRAZY )...wondering what Leland my new nephew looks like Nephew..what a neat thing... I honestly thought she would NOT ever have kids..Medical issues just said NO in her world... So this is sooooo cool!!!!

I've been wating to post this so I could maybe get some pics up for you.. but my BIL finally sent pics & they are HUGE & I am lost when it comes to sizing things on here!!! LAME Lame lame.. I know
if anyone can walk me through it I'm willing to try!

Well other than being abit of a zot ...My day was pretty busy.
I did a great UBWO Great start to the day...THEN...took my pics ... Even wore the fancy suit I bought near the end of Challenge 1...the suit is great-it's a gorgeous colour..but even then it was tight.. I figured that I was gonna get SMALLER...Oh man!! I wanted to BAWL!!
So very Glad I did that after the workout...Geeeees girl what a MESS!
The holidays did a number on me..ok & ME ..I did this.. I gotta take some resposibilities don't I?!
So now it's back at things FULL tilt!!
FAT AUNTIE reporting for duty!!
WHAAAAAAA! ....... I don't wanna have to change my name to that!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!!

well I'm sitting here working on less than 5 hours sleep... yep we stayed up WAAAAAY to late..

Geees I didn't even know that we could still do that ~I thought we were just too damn old! lol

We went from having NO concrete plans ( due to the" waiting for Baby game" & not knowing if we were even going to be around) to having several friends come over ..in waves.. So neeless to say we started the eating & drinking at about 2 in the afternoon..& then last we looked at the clock it was 5AM!!! AKKKK ! that's just retarded! But it was A LOT OF FUN!

So I'm sure that at some point today I'm gonna feel like death warmed over... right now I'm ok... not sure why... It could be that at some point during the later hours I switched over to drinking Green tea... ahhhhhh.. who am I trying to fool... I think my head is still fuzzy! LOL!

well on that --I'm gonna go back to bed & grab a few more zzzzzzzz's while we can, before kids are back later...

OH Boy -its gonna be sooooooooo good to get back on track tomorow! I don't think my body can endure too much more of this damn Season! ;)


2006 Challenge ...here I come!