Lots on my mind..

Today I did NOT do my work out .. geee what a way to start my blog eh??
Well what I did do is spend my morning baking bread, making a couple of big lasagnes & generally thinking about life. When I have things on my mind cooking is thereaputic for me.. sometimes I wish I could just be happy as some Jolly round mother earth type & be done with it! settle into that as a way of life!

Anyways..what I've been thinking about is one of my fellow nurses, who I lovingly call "mother May" as she is older that MY mom. She is a sweet english lady who has had more than her share of life tribulations.. she left her family & job as a young nurse & midwife in England at her husbands request came to Canada bore & raised 2 kids.. reaentered the nursing field.. where her Husband found the first of several "other women" ( oh lovely eh?) well needless to say they split & she continued to raise kids. Her daugther went thru the usual teen rembelion yrs ,& son followed right after .. but took a bit of a bad turm & ended up hooked on heroin._ scary stuff to say the least.. In the past several yrs that I've know her I've watched & gone thru this headache & heartache with her while she talked & smoked ..I listened.

Two yrs ago a she had a fall & broke her leg ..I did what I could & took home made things to work for her son to pick up when he picked up paper work.. he by this time was doing better.. on the methadone but having a hard go at times .. he decides I'm a good listner..& talks to me when he comes.. Last yr she had bad fall & ended up in the hospital again where she damn close to died because they gave her too much Ativan( because son told them she was a bit of a "drinker' - worried about possible DT's - well she had a reaction.but the Powers that Be sent her back ..she Decided then & there that she'd been given a sign..no more smoking or drinking for Mother!
So again I ended up baking & talking to her son... Now apparently he's doing really well recently off every thing ..going to NA & even working ..still staying with Mother .. who's the one person who has pulled him out & will forgive him every thing whatever cost to herself. Life is going on..but her health has taken a turn- she went in to hospital this past week because she's been having trouble breathing well they did some test & then ended up having to aspirate almost 2 liters of fluid off her lungs..not good!. The worse part is that in the fluid there was blood.. indicating Cancer. Oh joy.. needless to say I was Paul ( her son's) first choice of who to call .. we talked & the next night he called me back again at work ... yep confirmed by further tests...Cancer.. & it's not only in both lungs .. but in the pancrease & lymph ...NOT good at all....
They've sent her home.. the fluid is eased for the momment.. she has her handy dandy pain killers & a set of appointments to see oncologists & start chemo... but they have essentialy told her to get things in order we're looking at a possible 6 month timeline.
So for now I cook.. I bake, ...because realistically ...what else can I do?